Dad Gets Left Out When Children Want to Chat

Dads are often last on the list when children want someone to talk to according to new research revealed today which found that only 3 per cent of children aged 12-15 would turn to their dad if they were unhappy about something. In fact in this age group more children would talk to no-one than talk to their dad.

Worryingly the research also found that around 1 in 10 children felt that they had no one in their lives to turn to with a problem and, that parents are far more optimistic than their children are about the amount of face-to-face conversation they engage in.

The YouGov research was conducted on behalf of Calor, in consultation with ChildLine, and is published in a new report – ‘Talking Families, Talking Communities’ – that paints a fascinating portrait of communication in today’s families and the communities that surround them.

Other Key Findings:

Are parents and children talking?

• Virtually no parents say they never have face-to-face chats with their children, compared to 6 per cent of young people aged 12-15 who believe they never talk to their parents on a school day. The figure is even higher for 7-9 year olds – 10 per cent say they never chat with mum or dad.

• Only 6 per cent of dads have a conversation over 15 minutes in length with their children. Over half of dads (55 per cent) would like to talk more than they do now.

Do children enjoy talking to their parents?

• Children aged 12-15 are almost twice as likely to enjoy talking to people their own age than their parents(89 per cent vs 47 per cent) and would rather watch TV (88 per cent), play video games (58 per cent), eat sweets (50 per cent) and even read books (50 per cent) than strike up a conversation with mum or, even more unlikely dad!

• Younger children aged 7-11 are almost twice as likely to enjoy watching TV (82 per cent) to talking to their parents (46 per cent).

How well do parents think they communicate and what do their children think?

• A huge 85 per cent of adults think that they communicate well with their children. The message from children is less straightforward; two out of five 12-15 year olds say their parents usually listened to them (40 per cent); 24 per cent thought they did sometimes; 14 per cent thought they didn’t listen very much at all.

• Parents also believe they reprimand their children far less than their children say they do in face-to-face chats. Only 11 per cent of adults said a conversation usually involved a reprimand; whereas 25 per cent of children aged 7-11 say that a face-to-face chat usually involves them being told off; for 12-15 year olds this increases to 39 per cent of chats.

Who do children turn to if they have a problem or a worry?

• Both mums and dads believed that if their child has a bad day at school or is unhappy about something they would discuss it with their mother (89 per cent), followed by their father (55 per cent), followed by their friends from school (42 per cent). The actual picture from young people aged 12-15 was very different. For this age group mum is on a par with friends from school (30 per cent would talk to school friends, 34 per cent would talk to mum) whilst only 3 per cent would talk to their dad.

• Not surprisingly younger children aged 7-11 are more likely to go to mum (51 per cent) as their first port of call, though only 15 per cent would go to dad. With this age group other members of the family such as siblings, aunts, grandparents and cousins, also feature more with children.

Paul Blacklock of Calor, the company which commissioned the research said: “As a dad of three teenage girls I am somewhat dismayed by these findings. Despite many dads being more involved with their children’s upbringing than their own fathers would have been, and despite the increased recognition that fathers are important in children’s development, this survey showed a low level of interaction between father and child. Part of the reason may well be that fathers simply aren’t around as much, particularly taking young children to and from school, and after school. It highlights the need for dads like me to understand when is the right time to talk to our children, how to initiate a conversation and create more occasions when we can get together in a more fun, inclusive way.”

Calor became involved with ChildLine at the beginning of the year as part of a Cylinder Amnesty fundraising initiative. Paul Blacklock continues: “Through this relationship I became aware of the number of calls ChildLine received everyday and was dismayed to learn that many more children needing someone to talk to can’t get through. It prompted us to look at who children were talking to and what level of communication was going on between parent and child.”

Commenting on the findings, Natasha Finlayson, ChildLine’s Director of Policy and Communications said: “Talking to children – and listening to what they have to tell us – is absolutely vital to their safety and well-being. ChildLine speaks to thousands of children with all kinds of problems every year, sadly many of them tell us they have no one else to turn to. For some children, talking to ChildLine is the key that unlocks the door to better communication with their friends, family and wider community. This new research gives us a valuable insight into the way families communicate today and offers a hopeful message – that taking time out to really talk and listen can make a world of difference to children’s happiness.”

-ends-

Notes to Editors:

All the research findings can be found in a report ‘Talking Families, Talking Communities’ which will be available to download from www.calor.co.uk/report or www.childline.org.uk

Issued on behalf of Calor by Bright, 10 St Catherine’s Court, Herbert Road, Solihull, West Midlands, B91 3QE For further information please contact Leona Abson/Michelle Simpson/Victoria Crowe at Bright on Tel: +44 (0) 121 711 5000 Fax: +44 (0) 121 711 5001 or Email: leona@bright-consultancy.co.uk.

The research was conducted by YouGov on behalf of Calor Gas. It was conducted between 14 - 28 March 2005. 939 parents, 324 children aged 12-15 and 375 children aged 7-11 were interviewed across three surveys. The research was designed to give a snapshot of parent/child communication in Great Britain.

Calor Gas Ltd is the UK’s leading supplier of LPG with 70 years’ experience in this flexible and environmentally sensitive energy market. Around 4 million homes and businesses rely on Calor for an enormous variety of applications. Calor is celebrating its 70 th birthday in 2005 and is raising funds for ChildLine to ensure that more children reach the vital support, advice and protection that its counsellors provide. www.calor.co.uk

ChildLine is the UK’s free, 24-hour helpline for children and young people. Trained volunteer counsellors comfort, advise and protect children and young people. The number for children to call is 0800 1111. Lack of funds means that lines can be busy, so children may have to redial several times before they get through. For more information visit ChildLine’s website at: www.childline.org.uk

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Ref: CACHPR15
Released: Monday 4 th April 2005